Please respond!
I've been emailing and a lot for months now trying to find a friend that isn't too far away that we almost never meet let alone can do things together.  All the East of the East Bay inquiries either are ignored or one guy thought I was asking permission to post photos from him (which was never mentioned in the message!).

I just can't find anyone to do things with, especially a handler that the community has stated that I'm have to have regardless.  So I can't go fursuiting.  I try to do solo fursuiting but chicken out from all those dire warnings.  That and I was checked out by a cop once who fortunately knew what a furry was!

Can't go far no more!
There has to be a better way to find "local" friends to do things with.  And to find someone who'd like to fursuit with me or act as a handler due to my hearing impairment "requiring" that I have a handler to help with hearing issues.  I can't go fursuiting w/o a handler though I've tried some solo fursuitng but generally I'm too scared from all the "warnings" I was given.

Just even a basic friend to go bowling with or other activity.

I'm just not having much luck due to my shyness and other difficulties that I'm fighting hard to overcome.

Unfortunately I can't afford to go to any more fursuit events or furry meetings except Berkeley (can take BART to save $$).

Does anyone know anyone in the Antioch and surrounding areas, especially fellow furs, for me to contact about possible friendship?  I'm all alone!


Dragon scales photos posted
What an incredible day!  Dragonscales Gallery has posted the photos from the convention and I got mine!

The main thing they were for is the fursuit database as my camera just is not good enough.  And the poses that guy came up with were wonderful!  I never would have thought of them!

The convention has been such a boost to my feelings.  Countered a little bit by the current situation where I can't afford trips to most all bay area meets, especially the fursuit ones.  Buses stop running too soon and I can't make most of them that way either.

And without a handler, I can't go fursuiting otherwise.  I don't know anyone in my area to ask to be a handler.  I can barely find anyone out here especially over the age of 21 since my therapists warns me about doing things with youngsters under 21.  *sigh*

But of course there is hope as there are things expected to happen this year as I get things going with CA Dept. of Rehab to get hearing aids and such.

Helps if I post a link:

*big sigh*

I was so exstatic for two days after the convention (I had to go home Monday so it was Mon-Tues).  I was even dancing unusual considering that being with so many disabilities that I was sure I'd injure myself again if I even tried jumping for joy!  Well, so far so good!

But today the PCD is hitting me full force.  The only way to get out of it is to fursuit but when I'm in fursuit (no handler as yet, need one!) I can't do my normal work like the computer and listen to music, sententially I just sit there calm, contemplating, quiet.

There are so many other convention goers suffering too there might be a flood of folks going to therapy!

So much post convention work to do, photos to upload, photos / videos looking for me in them.  None of the still ones yet.  *sad lion face*

The convention was incredible, the staff and the attendees were for the most part so wonderful!

My Eyes Adore You
(music title BTW for you young whipper snappers!)

I'm going to post a question (on the fursuit journal) about how to do LED eyes on my fursuit though it's really restricted as for example I cannot cover the eyes in any clear plastic lens as it would stop the airflow needed.  Vision and airflow are critical for me.

I had electronics in high school and even did some fancy electronics over the years in after school programs (design and build a power supply using some fancy electronics! (Zener diode?)).

fighting for my life

I'm fighting feelings of needing to give up and hating that I just can't get myself to do so. At least not completely give up anyway.

I'm told that because I express my feelings on FA, no one will want to deal with me. And ditto for my hearing impairment. I don't have $15,000 for the equipment needed for my type of hearing loss. But I cannot hold it in or find another avenue of release since it's a catch 22 as I need a friend to talk to about my feelings (in person BTW) to get it out. Online chats seem to drive away my distant friends so I can't harp at them about my problems.

I've been made to feel that I'm hopeless from many sources including many furries both online and local.

And after Further Confusion I won't be fursuiting anymore as I can't make anymore furry events. Even my going to the convention is fragile and a number of things can go wrong (simple ones at that) and keep me from going. I'm hoping and wishing that nothing stops me. Keep your fingers crossed!

The only time I'll be able to fursuit outside of the convention is going at it alone and since I'm always reminded that having a handler is "mandatory", as so many sound like they are saying, I won't be fursuiting much at all after the convention.

Why should I even bother to try to find friends when what others say is true? And with my friends being bullied online as well?

And I'll have to assume that EVERYONE that I messaged that did not return my messages wants nothing to do with me as I've been told they are.

I'll do my best to put on my "happy face" for the convention. Try one more time to be more "attractive" (I can't think of another word to suit the idea).

And of course no New Years Eve parties for me, I'm not invited and don't have money to pay for the ones at restaurants, etc. I'll have nothing to celebrate but misery.

The second half of 2011 started out with such hope when I starting going to meets and making a fursuit. Then a chronic series of problems popped up and I was pulled down. One of the complaints of how "defective" I am is that I "blame everyone and everything but myself". My self esteem is really low as it is and since I'm 52 and had decades of therapy and supposedly no better now than I was 20 years ago. I'm hopeless.

After years of more counseling if it does continue, damned budget cuts, maybe I can try to find friends again. And if somehow I get a job without access to the most common way to find jobs: friends and relatives plus grapevine stuff but since I don't have that stuff, I don't get job leads. Then if I'm lucky and get a job again I might start going back to furry meets and events and fursuit though very limited due to no friends and handlers.

I don't think I should even go to the Berkeley meet (no fursuits allowed) as I might spend most of the time crying!

Huh, what?  Oh, hi!

Sorry I haven't kept up on documenting my fursuit construction.  I was just informal and I hope to take time next time around to write up a well written "build your own fursuit on a budget".  This time I was just damned impatient!

I'm reducing the body size today as I've lost weight and the pattern I made and cutting was terrible when I did it.  I rushed it.  But it's getting better and will make the pattern for the new fur come out well.

I don't trust duct tape dummies for fursuit patterns because of my weight and lack of experience.  Probably a dumb prejudice on my part.  Besides.  I have no one to help me wrap me up. 

Um in duct tape that is!

Plus using the affordable material I have (Davos) means that mistakes aren't so bad and the result is I have a nice pair of pajamas / loungewear with a tail!

Mane work
Ok, today I've moved on to the head.  I'm changing the fur in back to be more like a lion's mane.  I wish I had known how to do the design but it's  a learning experience to get to know why and enjoy designs I would have dismissed before.

So I've started cutting to fit the remaining pieces of long brown shag fur to make the mane.  I tried several methods but lacking money this was my best option to get it done in a more timely manner.

Fursuit on a shoestring budget!

I've stitched the pieces together and will glue the edges into the existing fur.  The old fur will act as a "stuffing" to make it more "poofy". :D

Belly done
I finished sewing the belly on and the zipper.

See at

I know it's crooked, I had a hard time trying to cut into an existing construction and coordinate the cuts, zipper, etc.  I made some bad cuts by accident and tried to correct.  But since this is not a tight suit, I can put in padding which might make the belly better.

But this is now just a tad less "pajama" looking.  Now to change the fur on the head to dark and long fur.  It's all I have and can afford at this time but it should work to make it look more "lion".

My belly!
I had a revelation a few days ago that upset me a bit.  As a kid I really liked the book "Where The Wild Things Are".  I think I wanted pajamas like that but mom would not sew such things for me and I was (and am) too fat to buy anything.

But I'm sure I didn't have that thought and book in mind after discovering furries and fursuitng.

And AFAIK after starting the fursuit.  The plan was very different but the deal for the fur I needed was canceled leaving me stuck.

So I got some Davos at a great price and it turned out enough was available to make the fully body, so I did.  I had worn it outside at night (I'm very shy) though without a handler (no friends nearby) just to try.  It was incredible and felt great!

So then that "fatefull" night I realized why the body design was bothering me.  I was trying to decide how to take care of it.  It was nagging me and late that night I realized it was pajamas just like in the book!!  Oh how embarrassing!

So "fixing" the design was bumped up in priority.  I researched other designs for good ideas and it seemed a white belly was common.  I could not afford long luxurious white fur so I settled for more Davos to get it done.  Better fur can be put in down the road.

Remember this is a fursuit being build on a "shoestring budget" to pull off a near miracle.  Which I have a talent for from decades of power shopping experience.

Unfortunately last night when I did the cutout (carefully) the body for the white fur part, it went really bad.  It was ruined.  I had to cut a new piece but it was so late I didn't sew it in as I have to be VERY careful so as to not make it worse!

Wish me luck!  I'm starting to sew it up now.  Oh, now sew BTW: stitch.  My roommates machine is broken so when I say "sew" I mean hand stitching! :D


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