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How do I deal with the pain? (posted to "Ask Papabear")
Dear Papabear (this is a copy of what I wrote him).  This is why I have somewhat given up taking commisions on fursuits.  The issue with the eyes on Dagnabbit Rabbit is a trigger of the current bout of depression and inability to work on fursuits as an example.  I'll get back to working on it one of these days!

Whenever I go to an online furry site or other where there is a chance of a link or notice or photo of someone fursuiting showing up (yep, includes the depression causing Facebook!!), I from time to time make the mistake of looking at or clicking links to various fursuiting photos or videos.  Often hard to avoid postings occur too.

So I've taken to try to NOT go to those sites and unsubscribed to a lot of email groups too that are furry related.  Often that action is confused by others as "leaving the furry community" or "not wanting to be a furry anymore".  Feh!  Can't take the furry out of me or keep me from wanting to do furry related things.

But it's how it's so painful for me that is the problem.  It existed even before I made my first fursuit seeing that stuff also was generating emotional pain from jealousy.

I try to not feel the pain, etc.  But as a result of this ridiculous "obsession", I have to avoid triggers.  Yet I need to get out and socialize.  I'm trying to make employment a first priority everyday.  Hopefully then I can get back to going to meets.  I'm also improving my fursuit skills so I can make my own suits about as good as some other fursuit makers.

I was going to pursue taking commissions on fursuit construction when I realized the other day that the "obsession" pain would be just too much until I get a lot of money so I can afford to go to meets & conventions (sadly some would be business trip types, little time to have fun!!  *smile*).  I know it will take months to get a good income going but in the meantime I'll freak out and get way to close to feeling suicidal, etc.  It will also mean way to many days of not being able to do fursuit work much like this last week has been for me!!

Note: my therapy paid by Medicaid (Medi-Cal in Calif.) has run out so I won't get professional help on this for a while.

How do I deal with it?  Get it under control enough so I can either make fursuits or other?  It's so hard to deal with obsessions like this!!

I know I've asked similar questions of you before as I've looked up previous "Ask Papabear" but this is more specific. The 'choice' to not fursuit solo or even pursue local friends is a choice on my part due to my dire financial (etc.) circumstances.  So I cannot even go to meets.  It's complicated and a long story on that.  So that is not an option.

And my deafness complicates some activities at that and fancy new hearing aids I have just don't help!  So it's all so very difficult in the first place to socialize.

But somehow I need to control this "obsession" issue relating to fursuiting.  It sucks I have not been able to find someone to go fursuiting with me locally.  I even tried to organize meets and no one showed up!!

I am still working on my "long windedness" but I need to focus on other things so editing what I write is asking too much!  Sorry!!  :p

So, how do I deal with it?  How do I control my feelings but without becoming jaded about our "hobby" / "recreational activity" as it might be generically called?!

*cowardly lion whimpers*